October 15, 2014

"Befriending Stephanie is hard work"

A few years ago, I reunited with a girlfriend that I had known from high school. While the time frame from when we lost contact and then reunited again wasn't that long, we had both grown up.

To help you make sense of this, in high school I was a overly friendly, boy crazy, nerd, with a boyfriend chick. Does that make sense?

Let's not be cliche and lame but I was the girl that talked to everyone and wanted to be friends with everyone. Just because. It was in my personality. I didn't find anything weird from it. I think everyone goes through this stage where they want to be accepted by everyone. Sooner or later they learn that isn't worth their time to be overly friendly/bend over backwards person because 1) it takes too much energy and 2) it tends to open doors for a lot of shit talking.

Fast forward to a few years later, I've been stabbed in the back by "friends," my heart had been broken one too many times and I simply do not trust people as easily nor do I care to open my heart for new friends.

I went from extrovert to extreme introvert.

This girlfriend I reunited with actually had the opposite transformation from me. She was an extreme introvert and transformed into an extrovert.

Nothing wrong with that.

We reconnected over a baked catfish at a Vietnamese restaurant during a networking event.

Things were completely cool. We chat for the duration of the meal and reconnect again several other times over manis/pedis and shopping sessions.

Soon we're pretty good friends. I felt a lot closer to her than back in high school. It seemed like we turned up our relationship to the next notch, I was close to calling her a genuinely good friend. I even introduced her to one of my closest guy friends because I thought they would be good with one another.

So what happened that led from me looking at her as a really good friend to her saying, "befriending Stephanie is a lot of work." ?

Over the next few months, I have some disagreements with mutual friends where I cannot help but voice my displeasure with them.

One friend was in a bad relationship with a guy that I did not think was good enough for her. And in my defense, I listened to her voice her problems all the time and would always give her my advice. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she called me in the morning crying because she thought the guy was cheating on her. She and I came to the conclusion she should just end the relationship because it wasn't healthy for her. 2 hours later she called me to say she forgave him. I was over it by then.

The other friend played with my best friend's feelings. Do I need to elaborate on this?

I am a very vocal person. I like to voice when something displeases me because otherwise I feel like it just becomes steam and eventually one thing will just make me go apeshit.

According to a friend, because this girlfriend was unhappy with how "high" my standards were she thought it would be too much work to be my friend. So she took the next step of calling me.

Just kidding. She didn't even call me to talk about it. Instead she unfriended me on Facebook.

And yes, to this day this really bothers me.

It makes me feel like she did not even respect me enough to tell me what was wrong. Actually it's not even respecting me it's respecting our relationship and everything we had gone through. She kind of just threw everything under the rug because she didn't want to have a confrontation. Now this has me thinking, who is more wrong? Is it worth my time and energy to still be bothered?

Will I feel better once I post this blog?

I don't know.

I hope so.

I haven't told anyone about this.

But I don't think befriending me is hard work. I think befriending me is one of the easiest things you can do in life. True, I am a difficult person to get along with 24/7. True, I might have some high standards. But where do you want my standards to lie? Low? Easy? The reason why I'm the way I am is because of all the things I had gone through before.

The development of my personality isn't something that just comes up one day out of the blue.

I believe I'm very straight forward from day 1 when you meet me.

But yes, this is what I wanted to blog about.

And to close this off this quote by Bob Marley perfectly explains how I define any sort of relationship.

Happy hump day!

- Stephanie

October 12, 2014

Fall where art thou?

It's been awhile.

Today marks my 4-5 month mark of living in LA.

How has it been?

It's been a whirl wind. 
I feel so much more mature, wiser, and patient. It feels like I have grown up 2-3 years in this short amount of time. My relationship has become stronger since coming here. I know that the first 2 months of working at my new firm put a lot of bad tension on our relationship because I was stressed out and did not know how to communicate with the boyfriend. But we were able to work things out over time and everything that was poisonous to our relationship just became background noise. 

The way I prioritize my time nowadays is kind of crazy. On the weekdays I focus on work, then on myself (health) and boyfriend. On the weekends I try to spend everyday with him so he doesn't feel neglected. It's crazy how a full time job changes everything. But I want our relationship to work out so I try. I try really hard. And even though we don't get to spend as much time with one another as we used to, it surprisingly still works out because he is busy with school and work too. 

At the end of the day, everyone says if you want to make it work, it will work. This goes for anything and everything you have going on in your life. If you want something to work out you're going to put all of your efforts into making it work. And then at the very end of it, if it doesn't work you won't feel guilty or sad that you didn't try.. because you did try. 

This is why Tiger and I have lasted so long. Because even though we fight, bicker, and become angry with one another.. at the end of the day we try to go to bed with all of our problems resolved. 

Another thing that I noticed seems to make us work is that we don't go to friends or family whenever things don't work out. Well, we did when I first moved here because things were confusing and I didn't know who to turn to. Please note, we are both very stubborn people who do not like to admit when we're wrong.. so that's another obstacle we have to work around. But when I first moved here and we were having problems with our relationship, we would turn to our friends and family and bicker to them. Of course your friends and family are always going to take your side and tell you the other person, "Done fucked up." lol. Because they want to be supportive of you and have you happy. The only thing is that, they don't realize sometimes you're the happiest with the person who had just "done fucked up." 

Do people understand that concept?

Yes, couples fight with one another and sometimes things seem terrible but at the end of the day are things truly that bad? 

No, not for me and Tiger. 

We just had to figure out how to stop fighting and nick picking at one another. We had to relearn how to communicate with one another again. Sometimes that's hard when we have 1 big fight that goes unresolved and opens the doors for smaller fights to come through. 

Even through all of that, we are happy. I am my happiest when I am with him. When I'm with other people I feel the life draining out of me, because they don't understand me. They don't understand what makes me happy.. and they don't appreciate what I bring to our friendship. 

This is why when friends ask me, "How are you and your boyfriend doing?" I am a little irritated and short with them. Don't be concerned about my relationship with my boyfriend, be concerned about my relationship with you as a friend. We as human beings need to stop worrying about other people. What is meant to happen will happen, work on yourself, your life, your problems, not mine. That is poisonous to any relationship. That - as in when you focus more on other people's problems than your own. I don't need a psychologist as a friend. I need a real genuine human being as my friend. 

If at the end of this, I have to explain this to you over and over again, we are not meant to be friends. I don't feel like I'm asking too much out of a friend.. but if these concepts are hard for you to grasp perhaps we are just not meant to be friends. 

My patience only runs for so long. 

But who gives a fuck? At the end of the day, my best friend is Tiger.